The Great Raleigh 400
Exhibition in the Museum of Fairlynch in the fair town of Budleigh Salterton approacheth.
From Monday 28th day of this merrie month of May, from 2 of the
clock, will the famous painting of our Boyhood be displayed. We did betake
ourselves to our fair County of Devon Show to there spread news of this Great Exhibition
in Budleigh to all comers.
‘Twas at the invitation
of Master Nigel Jones, the learned scribe who doth toil daily and nightly on his
most worthy Devonshire magazine which is sent into many parts of our fair
County. The young ladies who assist him did show us the excellent chronicle of
our life which had been written on many pages with divers portraits.
Master Nigel hath with
great pride created the Hubcast. ‘Tis a wondrous calendar of events that do
take place in every corner of our fair county. And all transmitted by means
digital speedier than the swiftest flight of wingèd Mercury.
‘Twas on the farmstead of
Hayes Barton in the fair town of East Budleigh that we did spend our childhood.
This did imbue us with natural affection for the land and rustic matters, and
we did hasten to see the fine oxen and other creatures that were displayed in
the showground.
Verily they did make a
fine spectacle on the greensward, and the sun did shine merrily.
Mightily impressed we
were by these fine chariots in which the farmers of present times do ride.
Yet did it also gladden
our heart to find the wheelwright’s wondrous skills so ably demonstrated by the
worthy Master Martin. The good man doth use the oak of our fair county to fine
effect with his garden benches and tables. We should have employed him in the
building of that great ship the Ark Ralegh which we did graciously offer to our
sovereign Lady Elizabeth.
We made haste to the
pavilion of the Great Beeb, there to announce our arrival to the scribes whom
many hold in awe. In this 400th year since our cruel departure from
this world our reputation has suffered from slings and arrows of certain foolish
knaves who do belittle our achievements in the New World. ‘Twas our intent to request these scribes that
they denounce the cowardly and uncouth Scottish upstart who brought about my
demise for fear of offending the Spaniard.
We saw with some
discomfiture that a messenger had failed to announce our coming. Yet these
servants of the Great Beeb did receive us most courteously and were curious to
know whence we came. They did seem to
note our opinions most diligently with many smiles, but in sooth we cannot say
what truth they would tell.
Our hunger for fame had
not been sated after this somewhat unsatisfactory encounter with the Great
Beeb’s scribes. We therefore repaired to other pavilions there to satisfy a
more pressing hunger. Many arrays of vittles there were throughout the Show,
and we did fully sate our appetite with these excellent rolls of sausage.
These fine ladies had
doubtless heard of the favours we had enjoyed from the Queen. They did beseech
us for pictures that they did call selfies, which we did most graciously grant.
‘Twas most delightful
to discover how our charms did melt the hearts of such fair damsels of Devon.
This fair lady did
tarry most pleasantly to hear our tales of adventures in distant lands. We did astonish
her when we informed her that ‘twas thanks to our discoverie of the Pitch Lake
on the island of Trinidad that so many fine roads had been builded. And that
did include the avenues of the very Showground on which we stood. This foolishness
of the ‘spuds and ciggies’ related by the vulgar multitude is verily not worth
the telling for our greatness lies elsewhere.
Many fine enterprises
had set up their pavilions at the Show like the one ye see here set up by
Exeter’s splendid museum. Here we did chance upon Mistress Shelley, who is most
learned in the science of costume through the centuries. We did discourse most
pleasantly of such matters as threads, buttons and bobbins. We believe she was
impressed by our skill with the needle, for each pearl on our richly
embroidered doublet had been sewn by our fair hand.
Fine Academies of
Learning there were too like this College of the Queen from the fair town of
Taunton in the neighbouring county of Somerset. The learned teachers did seem
honoured by our visit and did request this digital portrait.
We were pleased also to be welcomed to the Academy of Bramdene in the city of
Exeter, and a further portrait was made to show us communing with the learned
teachers.
These green men did mystify us with their jigs and jolly jumps. We did learn
that they do celebrate ancient fertility rites. They did declare themselves
impressed by our world-renowned prowess in wooing our most revered Virgin
Queen.
Of a sudden we found ourselves being given proof of these ancient rites which a
green man did perform most briskly on a young nymph he had encountered. ‘Twas a most
jolly scene, with ribald comments a plenty made by the assembly.
This fellow in strange antique costume did boldly hail us as a fellow-pirate,
asking us if we knew a certain Master Jonny Depp, yet we declared ourselves
blameless in such matters. Some villainous and ignorant persons of the vulgar
multitude do slander us in most ignoble fashion when they accuse us of piracy,
but we found this fellow to be not such a knave and did make many jests
together with these fair ladies.
These good folk did courteously enquire as to how our day had been. We did most
gladly assure them of the pleasure that our visit had given us. ‘Tis forsooth a
County Show of which Devonians should be proud, and verily we hope to grace it
with our presence in future years.
And
so fare thee well.
FOR THE RALEIGH 400 CALENDAR OF
EVENTS WORLDWIDE
IN 2018 CLICK ON
